A little bit of update in your life...

Searching for something to say, I feel like a million things and nothing have all happened over the last month and a half. Pregnancy has been, what feels like, guiltily easy. Though I must admit, I don't feel like myself, nor do I always feel good, I have only thrown up once. Mostly, I'm tired. Unnaturally tired. I have always prided myself on how energetic I am, and my ability to 'go, go, go'. But lately...lately I'm a couch hugger, and a 5 o'clock napper. Lazy would be my 'word that describes you', should you ask.

I got away for a mini-trip to my cousin's in OKC during our two week blizzard here in the Panhandle. It was cute at first, and quickly escalated to obnoxious. (The snow that is, not the visit!) It was wonderful to get away and celebrate our pregnancies (she's pregnant with her 2nd), the snow, family, and talk. Oh, you have no idea how nice it is as a talker to meet someone who enjoys it as much as you. After the snow seemed to die down, I set off for Amarillo, only to be greeted by a new snow storm and back to being trapped inside.

I don't do well without change. Those people who fear it? Not me, I crave it. Even small change, if I can't have natural change I create it. Even if it means re-arranging the cabinets or furniture. Stir-crazy and trapped inside, I began moving around the house cleaning and re-organizing, but because of my new found energy limit, left half-done piles around the house to go lie down. Needless to say, in my attempt to 're-vamp' I simply made LOTS of messes. Many of which are still lying there, begging to be fixed. So far, their cries are not heard.

In nursery/baby updates, we have assembled the crib that my in-laws gave us. It's beautiful, and was Adam's as a baby which I find sweet & romantic. Several weeks ago at a garage sale we found a changing table in the same wood and style as the crib, unable to sell it the couple gave it to us for $8! So...while it looks a bit like a dumping ground, it does have an undeniable 'baby smell' already, and is slowly developing into something more then an extra room where baby things go! :) We're 8 1/2wks pregnant today, and we get to hear the heartbeat & see the baby for the first time on March 9th! Everything seems to both take forever, and fly by. I am beyond excited for the appointment, and keep trying to will it closer! Most every conversation seems to travel back to day dreams of the future with our unknown child and what life will be like...our anniversary (which is very close to our due date), Christmas, church, the beach...what will all these familiar events be like in the un-knowable future with this person we don't yet know? An addictive mystery, it seems to be all we think about, particularly me.

On a closing note: Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad! May the next 25yrs be just as fabulous!!!

Baby O'Connell-Owens

As you've probably guessed by our borrowed poem, we found out this last Tuesday that we are expecting! It seems come October 4th, our family will be expanding to fit one more! Our first baby, Adam and I are both overjoyed and shocked. I feel as though I need to do all the million preparations right this very minute, and yet I know I have plenty of time. Not only plenty of time, but right now I'm just plain exhausted! So far, no true morning sickness, though I have discovered if I don't eat about every hour, at least a cracker or some applesauce, I become very sick and shaky. Oh, if this is as bad as it gets I'll take it!

SURPRISE

I do not have a face to see,
or put inside a frame.

I do not have soft cheeks to kiss;
I don't yet have a name.

You can't hold my tiny hands,
nor whisper in my ear.
It's still too soon to sing a song,
or cuddle me so near.

But all will change come October 4th,
when they say I'm due.
I'm the newest "O";
I can't wait till I meet you.

All I ask between now and then
is your patience while I grow.
I promise I'll be worth the wait,
because of all the love we'll know.

So as you're waiting patiently,
please pray lots of prayers for me.
I cannot wait to be a part
of this wonderful family!

New Haircut

In more interesting news,

I've changed the hair up a bit and gone back to bangs!

The first time since I was about nine!!

What do you think?

The Results Are In....

Well, the results are back from my cat scan and appointment with the general surgeon. So, there is no hernia which is kind of too bad because it meant an easy fix, instead my doctor diagnosed me with diverticulosis. (if you want details, google, it's too awkward to explain in a post) So, next step is I have an appointment with a GI for a colonoscopy, yes, at 24, and am back to see the Orthopedic surgeon on Monday to discuss further options in diagnosis. It seems when all is said and done, I'm lucky to learn about a disorder that, untreated, could lead to cancer (and colon cancer runs in my family), and that we're back to the beginning otherwise. We know about the hip impingement....what's this secret second problem and why oh why is it so difficult to diagnose?!

*sigh*

And I'll Have One Hernia Please

Alright, so as many of you know (or maybe not) I have had pain and troubles with my right hip since I was 14, so a little over 10yrs. After much time with my Orthopedic, we know it's actually 2 things going on, and the actual hip joint is impinged severely. So severely that I have lesions on my femur. (apparently the worse thing someone with my hips could do is dance, HA!) This is what they want me to go to Dallas for major surgery for, or face hip replacement at 40-50. They've guaranteed arthritis will be coming soon, which is honestly no surprise to me. The second part, is still a mystery but there is a slim chance it could be a hernia (ick), so I have a cat scan tomorrow for that. Please say a prayer that it's actually a hernia (I know, I'll never say that again) because it's such an easy fix, and the nerve damage I have may just be temporary from the pressure, so that could be relieved. If it's not a hernia, they believe it's related to my lower back, which is a lot scarier, and trickier.

Restless

These last few days have found me flip-flopping between complete exhaustion and the complete inability to shut my brain off and just sleep. I am also having wild dreams, and craving as much change as possible.

*Sigh* I feel bad for Adam, who looked confused, but put on a smile when I asked for his help re-arranging the living room the day we got back from Hawaii on a red-eye flight. Then I came home with shorter, straighter hair, complete with bangs on Monday. Wednesday was when I decided it was high time to re-organize every closet or drawer in our house, followed by my intense search for all the things we should get rid of, and either donating them or posting them to Craigslist. I do this. I go through this extreme needs for change, so I make the little changes I can. My dreams have been vivid and bizarre, though thankfully not nightmarish. Still, they're waking me up in a confusion, the kind where you have to walk back through your dream to realize it was in fact a dream, not a memory.

I've been wanting to find ourselves a church we can love, and become a part of for some time now. Adam doesn't share my pressing need for this, which is unusual, it's generally the other way around. I will confess I have never felt a constant, or deep connection to God. Maybe it feels like there's too much pressure, so I can't perform, can't make it happen. Or maybe it's because I've never had the right avenues to connect to Him/Her. I've had moments, like everyone has moments. Dance is generally the way I connect, or being in some amazingly beautiful place; like Rome, or Hawaii, or even watching a Panhandle sunset.

My recent inspiration for hope has been, oddly enough, a memoir recently made into a movie-starring Julia Roberts like all the good ones do. "Eat Pray Love" has me thinking, digging, writing, exploring. I'm reading it for the 3rd time right now. There's something about it that I know I'm supposed to be gleaning, so I plan to keep going back for more until I've taken all I can from the experiences & lessons "Lizz" has to share with me. Some might find it ridiculous that I've turned to a best seller memoir for spiritual guidance, and maybe they're right. Maybe I'm grasping at straws here, but to speak honestly I have to say, "No, I'm not." I need something else, something/someone outside of Adam, friends, family, therapists...I crave the connection I can easily find with these people, but I need it with God. I want it so badly, and have always felt as though I was chasing after a ghost-until now.

If you're one who prays, would you mind slipping one for me in there? That I will find peace, a familiar place with God, and the ability to just sit still and feel, not rush to change.