Christmas Emotions

So, I am trying hard, hard hard to be excited about Christmas this year, but it's not really happening. While I'm happy we'll get to celebrate with Cynthia & Mark (the best in-laws ever, seriously) and the kids, and I know we'll have fun....It's hard not to be completely disapointed that we're missing Christmas with my family, again, in Hawaii, again...One of the difficulties of marriage I hadn't put too much thought into--not having your parents pay to fly you everywhere (at least when it's the two of you we're talking about). :( To most people, reading that they would think it's Hawaii I'm bummed over, wrong! (well, sort of) I would obviously be crazy not to want to be in Hawaii versus Amarillo (have you been to Amarillo?!?!), but it's the whole Christmas experiece with my family and my grandparents I miss. We were unable to go last year because we had just gotten married, and this year we had to buy a new car...there's always something! My in-laws are amazing, and I feel so blessed to have them, but they're not my crazy parents, and there's no Ryan to tease, no Pappy to call me Geraldine or a Nana to insist we go to Church and bake at every given opportunity. It's not the same. It doesn't feel like Christmas without all that...It just feels like a strange long-weekend. *shrug* I know once we're all together, with Elizabeth & Ethan running through the house, Jacob & Leticia over talking about the baby, and Mark & Cynthia to joke with my sadness will fade and give way to laughter. But I know at one point on Christmas day, I will sneak off to cry quietly and compose myself, missing the holiday I love with the people who understand me best. For now, there are meals to plan, and people to see and the new traditions Adam and I are creating for ourselves. Starting 3 years ago, we began a tradition of stocking-ninjas!!! (yes, you read that right) We go to the store the week of Christmas and secretly buy goodies to pile into the stockings, candy, silly toothbrushes, razors--the important stuff, obviously! ;) We've also continued my family's tradition of midnight mass on Christmas Eve, a lonely tradition when we're without them, as no one else every wants to go. I have to admit though, there's something oddly romantic about being alone with Adam in a beautiful church at midnight, celebrating the birth of the most important child. These are memories I am saving, memories I know I'll appreciate the older and busier we get.