Nana's Eulogy (Kaitlin's)

 

 My Nana was love.  

 The last time I saw Nana, was during our surprise visit for Mother’s Day. There was new life in her when she met and held Maeve. They were on the floor rolling balls & playing paddy cake, tasting new fruits and listening to the wind chimes. One of our last mornings, she snuck in and took our early bird out of the room. When I finally woke up I could hear her voice, carrying from outside. She was talking to Maeve: pointing out different sounds, singing songs and showing her the soft peals of the wind chimes. My heart breaks that my daughter won’t grow with memories of the woman who helped form her mother. That she’ll never remember the way Nana’s laugh was deep and strong, the particular way she’d say “Oooh” when she was thinking, her soft, warm smell, how surprisingly strong her hugs were, and how intensely she loved. But I know pieces of my beautiful grandmother are scattered in us. In my mother, my uncles, my brother and my cousins. And pieces are hidden there in Maeve too.

 So when I’m missing her terribly, instead of weeping for my loss: I’ll try to make a perfect batch of cream cheese cookies and never even taste the batter, I’ll be the keeper of hidden treasures, pulling out secret prizes for those I love. I’ll try and grow the perfect jungle garden, something to amaze children in their world of make believe.  I’ll make sure I’m really listening to those I love and I’ll make sure everyone I meet feels loved by me. I’ll look at my husband with adoration and devotion and make sure Maeve knows that it’s all because a beautiful woman with salt & pepper hair taught me too.

Love, Kaitlin

Adulthood by the Cards

Making use of our new zoo membership.

It's funny the things that make me feel like an adult. You would think the little girl we have running around, whom we are raising and make important life decisions for, would have sealed this but it didn't. No it seems tiny badges of adulthood for me mostly come in the form of membership cards. Back in January we became Costco members. Checking out the first time, carts piled high with bagels, applesauce and enough butter and Cascade to last the year, I felt like an adult. Heck, I felt like my mother. I'm pretty sure I even whispered to Adam, "Look, it's we're real adults!" Shortly after, we added the Target debit card since it's practically the only place we shop & you get additional savings with no added costs. You know who collects grocery store benefit cards? 

Moms. 

Mama and Maevey.

Last week another card of the truly grownup variety slipped into my wallet. We are official Zoo members. You hear that? We go to the Zoo so much it made more sense to just buy a membership. Before Maeve the last time I had gone to the Zoo was sometime in San Diego when I was a teenager. I realize this is not abnormal, that it eventually gets ticked off of most mother's activity lists. But there was something very weird about knowing we were the kind of people who are Zoo members. Who do our shopping on Fridays at Costco and Target, and pop into the Zoo at least once a week. Who meal plan, and coupon cut, check the news and weather forecasts. Attend birthday parties and arrange play dates. Compare doctors and schools and neighborhoods and cars.  

Daddy & Maevey.

Adulthood has snuck into our lives.

Nana

 

Hi!! Remember us? The "O"s? I apologize for popping my head up for a brief "hello", and then promptly disappearing again! 

Life.Has.Been.Crazy.

My nana has been in the hospital for about nine weeks now; the majority of her time has been in the ICU. She had a heart attack, and her body became septic. At one point she coded twice. May and June have been really, really hard for my family. My parents were there at the time, and my mother has stayed on. She too is sick from treatment she's receiving, and is now trying to manage my grandmother's recovery & my pappy's every day life with help from her brothers. I haven't felt like updating.  Writing about days at the zoo and Mother's Day Out when we're suffering such wounds in our hearts seemed wrong and off-putting. But, she's doing better, continually turning corners and continuing to give us hope. She is also one for us to keep living, and loving on she & Pappy's "Little Red". Each week Maeve and I have made videos to send, taken many, many pictures and mailed some fancy finger paintings off to Hawaii in the hopes of letting them know how much we love them. I suppose it also helps us in some way; letting us feel like we're doing something beyond our prayers of healing.  As if each Maevey smile and squeaky "I love you, Nana-Pappy" I record will pour out into the doctor's healing hands and further power them to heal. 

My Nana & Pappy at our visit last year.

Nana playing on the floor with her great-granddaughter.  

Mother's Day last year. Four Fisher woman.

If you would please include my Nana in your prayers. Prayers that she continues to heal and strengthen, and that she will not lose her twinkly eyes. I love her too much for that.