Lots of 3AM

If Maeve isn't teething or going through one long growth spurt, than it's obvious she's trying to kill me.

We have seen an awful lot of 3am these days, and that's not usual for our family. We were incredibly lucky that Maeve came home wanting to sleep long stretches. At night those first six weeks we set alarms and had to wake her up to get in most of her late night, every two hour feedings. Normally her schedule is bedtime at 7pm, midnight feeding and 6:30am breakfast. Like clockwork! Most of the time she starts to wake up before we've gotten to her for that late feeding. Naps have become the similar clockwork predictability, back down in the morning until 10am, back down from 12:30pm to 3pm and then perhaps a catnap in the late afternoon while we wait for Daddy.

Not this week my friends. This week has been exhausting. Starting Monday night we've been waking up just about every other hour. Down at 7pm, up at 10pm, up at 12am, up at 1:15am, up at 3am, up at 5am, up at 6:30am, up at 8:45am....then down at 11am, but a short short nap. Essentially cutting out her first morning nap, shortening her other and being a bit of a pill in between. Let me tell you, it's been quite frustrating. I know there are others out there who have it worse, who hardly ever get sleep, but this has been a rough week. I knew I was exhausted when sometime between bedtime and "DOES SHE KNOW IT IS 4AM?!?! I WAS JUST IN THERE!!!" I went to go to the bathroom and ran into the door. Because it was still closed.

Oye.

We have several theories. One is teething; she can't get enough things in her mouth, and if you get close enough she'll pull your hand or finger in her mouth to gnaw down. I haven't taken a good look in her mouth, but last weekend my sister-in-law thought she could see something lurking down in those gums. Our second theory is the obvious, especially the more I read. In ten days our little munchkin will be four months old!!!! While there's no noted 4mo growth spurt, it's not impossible that she's having one anyhow. All the signs are there; constant demand for food, messy schedule, crankiness, latching on and off in frustration. Yep, she's a regular peach right now. My only hesitation, outside of her timing, is that her last growth spurts have only lasted about 24-48hrs, and last night was our fourth night of crazy. Finally, our last theory. She's trying to kill me. Or at least drive me into madness. Maybe she's bored, and hearing me mutter to myself at 4am and walk face first into walls is very entertaining.

God's Presence

At church we've just begun a series about our relationship with God. Alongside services we're doing small groups and reading "Can You Hear Me". This first week began with a meditation on Psalm 139 and Jeremiah 23:23-24. We were to contemplate what it meant to experience the presence of God, to be aware of God's presence and how you know.

1-6 God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.

I'm an open book to you;

even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.

You know when I leave and when I get back;

I'm never out of your sight.

You know everything I'm going to say

before I start the first sentence.

I look behind me and you're there,

then up ahead and you're there, too—

your reassuring presence, coming and going.

This is too much, too wonderful—

I can't take it all in!

7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?

to be out of your sight?

If I climb to the sky, you're there!

If I go underground, you're there!

If I flew on morning's wings

to the far western horizon,

You'd find me in a minute—

you're already there waiting!

Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!

At night I'm immersed in the light!"

It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;

night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.

I've shared my feelings with some close friends in the past about how I experience God, but it's something I keep private for the most part for fear some won't understand. Our church is unique in the fact that it provides "open mic" a chance to be a part of service and share "your piece of the mosaic" and that was something I felt I should do because I KNOW how I feel about this. So, while I mull over things here on my side of the woods, I thought I would share with you what I shared with my church family last weekend.

When I’m listening to certain music, epic & pressing in some way, after a few moments a feeling creeps into me that I can’t quite name. My chest tightens, I feel the urge to close my eyes, and I need to move. I can picture the movements, the perfect movements for that piece of music.

Sometimes it’s just the urge to dance that comes over me, without any music at all, a particular move my body wants to make, always accompanied with the tightness in my chest & the urge to close my eyes. Watching performances with the specific type of music or dance has the same affect for me, often with tears.

For me, dancing has always been a very private and guarded thing. I either want to be alone, or somewhere safe, removed and expected, like rehearsal or a performance. Dancing I’m no longer myself, but this puppeted creature, moved about by the music and something that isn’t of this world. It’s how I was created to feel and express, to worship and be. Dance, ballet, is where I meet God, where I see Creation and the only place I can express myself to God and feel like I’m heard. It’s my prayer.

When I see a beautiful movement, feel my limbs stir or see a graceful dancer, to me that’s proof of God’s existence, these ethereal movements orchestrated by a higher power.

I thought about sharing a piece with you all tonight, but I don’t think I’m quite ready. So instead I’d like to share this short clip of Polina Seminova. It may not strike you as particularly epic or intense but I love it because she possesses amazing grace and skill. She moves with the music in her rehearsal clothes in an empty auditorium, feeling everything. I think she feels God here too.

Polina Semionova from Sebastián Acevedo on Vimeo.

Grandparent Visit

The "O"s at the Dallas Zoo

This weekend Adam's parents were in town, which means several things. Our whole family got together, Maeve had plenty of extra snuggles, and there was a second Christmas celebration!

Saturday we, along with Adam's sister's & brother's families went to the Dallas Zoo together with Grandma and Grandpa. All in all, that was fifteen people. :) Yes, we're quite the crowd. (and we were missing two folks!) We have yet to take Maeve to the zoo post-utero, though she made it to the Oklahoma City Zoo a few times while I was pregnant. She's in a new stage of awareness that really made the zoo fun. When her grandfather held her up to the monkeys her head moved side to side and up and down following a particularly frisky monkey across his enclosure. It was incredible to see, especially since it was just a week or two ago she seemed to REALLY see the dogs for the first time.

We loved seeing you all, and so did Maeve! We can't wait for the next visit!!!

Grandma and Maeve.

Grandpa and Maeve.

Very happily opening prsents from her sweet grandparents.

While in DC my Mom and I dug this photo up. I'm a few months older than Maeve is now. We girls love pink dresses and white bonnets!

PS: I have no idea how I turned my post into a hyper-link and thus cannot undo it. ;)

Botanical Gardens

The Friday before New Years found Maeve and me in the Ft Worth Botanical Gardens with Adam's sister and her two children. It was only 70* out, and most of the garden was in winter hybernation, though the roses were in bloom. A whole section if the grassey hills was covered in orange and red fallen leaves. Elizabeth ran around making "leaf angels" and Ethan was rolling cartwheels through the crunchy carpeting.

Maevey girl, the weekend of her 3mo birthday...

Aside from a few steps, and hills too good not to run down, my neice's request was to guide the stroller throught the park, and I was happy for the break. It seems impossible to me that the girl who was just three when Adam and I began dating will be in college before our oldest is even in the third grade. For now, she adores her baby cousin, asking to hold her, begging her to smile. I'm sure in the coming years Maeve will hold her up with admiration while Elizabeth tries to sweetly shake free of her, and we'll smile and remind her of these days.

The afternoon sunlight through the trees by the pond. Sometimes I forget how good it feels to just be outside.

Gabby Girl

If Maeve is anything like the rest of her O'Connell and Fisher kin, she'll be a talker. A three hours at a time, I'm so excited I might be getting louder, ohmygoodnessdidyouknow kind of talker. My Nana and my mother both are queens of conversation and growing up, my mother had to finally call it a night after hours spent chatting together in my parents bathroom with me. When we get together our conversations are still a main event. My brother Ryan is one of the few guys I know who likes to call just to chat, my dad enjoys telling stories and even my cousin Shannon can rival me in the gab department. (And you know I mean that in a good way.)

It seems Maeve is determined to fit in with my side of the family and has started her squaky-talky phase as of a couple weeks ago. Usually in the mid-morning and right before bedtime, her sweet sounds make me smile every time. By the time I picked up the camera her chitter was dying down and she was gearing up for nap time, but you can still hear her a little. :) Again, this video is pretty dark and from about two weeks ago, but it's short and it's sweet.

Dancin' and Singin'

While I made breakfast and much needed coffee yesterday morning (Hello late night at the Varnells! The party was fun, but BOY am I exhausted!) Adam and Maevey played on the couch, singing along to the radio and dancing. I had to run over and take a video before Maeve decided it was nap time, it was so cute to see her smile at her Daddy.

Silly Daddy Smiley Baby

This video was from New Years weekend, but I never got around to uploading it until now.

It was a moody day for Miss Maeve.

M-O-O-D-Y

In an attempt to get her to calm down and maybe give us a glimpse of our normally cheery girl, Adam started making bizarre noises and faces.

Maeve was thoroughly impressed.

PS: The video is a little dark, especially at first so if the room you're watching in is too bright it's almost impossible to see. Sorry! I will remember to turn on more lights next time.