Snippets and Phrases and Moments

I keep thinking in snippets and phrases this weekend. Saturday, we attended the funeral of a beautiful woman who was the sister of a dear friend of ours. Married and only a few months older than me, she recently lost a very surprising and very fast battle with Melanoma and slipped into the night. She was the kind of woman I hoped to make a true friend. A big, gummy smile, soft eyes with a glean and stories and plans for adventure. Her service was hard. Hard because she was only 27. Hard because she was married to her young love. Hard because she was someone's daughter and sister and wife and hadn't yet the chance to be someone's mother. Hard because death is painful, and confusing and maddening. Hard because I miss my Nana and she too had a beautiful, warm smile she wore all the time. 

At the end of Christina's service one of the pastors gave a prayer of Thanksgiving in closing. He spoke of giving thanks for the moments we were given by her: road trips. the perfect cup of coffee, late night conversations, her first word, first step, first days of school and every Christmas morning. Every moment spent with Jacob...He went on, but there I'm stuck; the words playing like an audio loop. I spent last night re-watching Nana's memorial service and meditating on the words that have stuck with me there too this last month. Like how we felt she was "love personified." What am I? What story am I telling with the way I live my life? Am I counting the moments? Am I ever thankful? Thankful for Maeve's exhausting requests to nap with me because she won't always want to snuggle? Thankful for even the most uneventful moments with Adam, even if it's just chatter about our day during a bath? Thankful for the opportunity to pass on my passion to those in my community? Thankful for family and friends and family who are friends and friends who are practically family? Am I really thankful for my moments? Are you? Are you love personafied, grateful for the moments your "dear friend" Jesus has shared with you? 

Nana's Eulogy (Kaitlin's)

 

 My Nana was love.  

 The last time I saw Nana, was during our surprise visit for Mother’s Day. There was new life in her when she met and held Maeve. They were on the floor rolling balls & playing paddy cake, tasting new fruits and listening to the wind chimes. One of our last mornings, she snuck in and took our early bird out of the room. When I finally woke up I could hear her voice, carrying from outside. She was talking to Maeve: pointing out different sounds, singing songs and showing her the soft peals of the wind chimes. My heart breaks that my daughter won’t grow with memories of the woman who helped form her mother. That she’ll never remember the way Nana’s laugh was deep and strong, the particular way she’d say “Oooh” when she was thinking, her soft, warm smell, how surprisingly strong her hugs were, and how intensely she loved. But I know pieces of my beautiful grandmother are scattered in us. In my mother, my uncles, my brother and my cousins. And pieces are hidden there in Maeve too.

 So when I’m missing her terribly, instead of weeping for my loss: I’ll try to make a perfect batch of cream cheese cookies and never even taste the batter, I’ll be the keeper of hidden treasures, pulling out secret prizes for those I love. I’ll try and grow the perfect jungle garden, something to amaze children in their world of make believe.  I’ll make sure I’m really listening to those I love and I’ll make sure everyone I meet feels loved by me. I’ll look at my husband with adoration and devotion and make sure Maeve knows that it’s all because a beautiful woman with salt & pepper hair taught me too.

Love, Kaitlin

Adulthood by the Cards

Making use of our new zoo membership.

It's funny the things that make me feel like an adult. You would think the little girl we have running around, whom we are raising and make important life decisions for, would have sealed this but it didn't. No it seems tiny badges of adulthood for me mostly come in the form of membership cards. Back in January we became Costco members. Checking out the first time, carts piled high with bagels, applesauce and enough butter and Cascade to last the year, I felt like an adult. Heck, I felt like my mother. I'm pretty sure I even whispered to Adam, "Look, it's we're real adults!" Shortly after, we added the Target debit card since it's practically the only place we shop & you get additional savings with no added costs. You know who collects grocery store benefit cards? 

Moms. 

Mama and Maevey.

Last week another card of the truly grownup variety slipped into my wallet. We are official Zoo members. You hear that? We go to the Zoo so much it made more sense to just buy a membership. Before Maeve the last time I had gone to the Zoo was sometime in San Diego when I was a teenager. I realize this is not abnormal, that it eventually gets ticked off of most mother's activity lists. But there was something very weird about knowing we were the kind of people who are Zoo members. Who do our shopping on Fridays at Costco and Target, and pop into the Zoo at least once a week. Who meal plan, and coupon cut, check the news and weather forecasts. Attend birthday parties and arrange play dates. Compare doctors and schools and neighborhoods and cars.  

Daddy & Maevey.

Adulthood has snuck into our lives.

Nana

 

Hi!! Remember us? The "O"s? I apologize for popping my head up for a brief "hello", and then promptly disappearing again! 

Life.Has.Been.Crazy.

My nana has been in the hospital for about nine weeks now; the majority of her time has been in the ICU. She had a heart attack, and her body became septic. At one point she coded twice. May and June have been really, really hard for my family. My parents were there at the time, and my mother has stayed on. She too is sick from treatment she's receiving, and is now trying to manage my grandmother's recovery & my pappy's every day life with help from her brothers. I haven't felt like updating.  Writing about days at the zoo and Mother's Day Out when we're suffering such wounds in our hearts seemed wrong and off-putting. But, she's doing better, continually turning corners and continuing to give us hope. She is also one for us to keep living, and loving on she & Pappy's "Little Red". Each week Maeve and I have made videos to send, taken many, many pictures and mailed some fancy finger paintings off to Hawaii in the hopes of letting them know how much we love them. I suppose it also helps us in some way; letting us feel like we're doing something beyond our prayers of healing.  As if each Maevey smile and squeaky "I love you, Nana-Pappy" I record will pour out into the doctor's healing hands and further power them to heal. 

My Nana & Pappy at our visit last year.

Nana playing on the floor with her great-granddaughter.  

Mother's Day last year. Four Fisher woman.

If you would please include my Nana in your prayers. Prayers that she continues to heal and strengthen, and that she will not lose her twinkly eyes. I love her too much for that. 

Run, run, JUMP!

I promise a real blog, with real updates later. For now...

Singing' and Dancin'

You may have seen it on facebook, but I have to share here too. The other day, while waiting for Adam to run out of the store, I let Maeve out of her car seat and up front to sit with me. We were jamming along to her favorite cd, a mix of pop songs re-done by their artists and Sesame Street characters to have child messages and she started singing and dancing along. She does this All.The.Time! Usually, she's in her car seat  or stops when she sees the camera, but I was able to get her this time!! In a week where I really, really need smiles she does one better and gives me laughs instead. 

Our Overpasses Are Cooler Than Yours

Play dates are one of the best parts of being a stay-at-home mom. Your children get to see other kiddos, run around, and explore all while you catch up on the daily ins and outs with your friends. It makes me feel more like my pre-baby self to share an afternoon with another mama, and maybe a coffee or croissant. 

(Oh Central Market how you make the best play dates!!) 

Playing in some of the fountains that are scattered through the park. 

Yesterday Maeve and I trekked out to Dallas to see my friend, and Mongolia roomie, Jenny & her little bit Haven. Don't judge, but we've only been able to see them once since Miss H came along. I know, I know! You'd be amazed how far away everything seems in the same metro-plex!! Haven was a quiet, wide eyed observer most of our time, a tiny thing just like her mama and daddy! Maeve, on the other hand, ran around like a crazy woman and downed most of the sno-cone I had planned on us sharing. We met up at Klyde Warren Park in Dallas and it is SO neat! They built this huge park on top of an overpass in the middle of downtown. Fountains are everywhere, a futuristic playground, book and newspaper carts, pianos and food trucks---AWESOME! What is not so awesome is that it's fairly new, and so are its tiny baby trees. There was practically no shade to hide little people under; especially little people who are too small still for sunscreen. 

The lunching ladies. Look how TINY that sweet girl is!

The children's playground.

The company and the park were a blast and I had to literally pry Maeve up from the water when our meter was about to run out. AND we even made it home in time for naps! Yippee!! It's funny, I so often feel like I have no idea what I'm doing, that I know no more than I did when Maeve first came along. Being around a new little girly-whirly reminded me--we're not there anymore. Sure, we're learning new things about each other, and battling new battles, but the newness of it all has changed and I like to think I'll feel a little more confident with my next baby when the time comes along. To remember I basically camped out most of the first year. I was overwhelmed when we would tackle play dates before she hit about a year. I am thoroughly impressed Jenny!! You go Mama! 

She really tried to climb this. Really, really. *sigh*

Mondays can often be the roughest day for us, with looooooong weekends and a day back to 'normal' but this was a beautiful way to start the week. So glad we got to see you Proffitt girls!!!