Home in Hawaii

My time in Hawaii has been busy, emotional and less familiar. The years we spent here growing up have made this place my second home. I know the neighborhood intimately, can navigate all over the island, and know all the places the tourists don't. But this trip, things are different. While Mom & I have been making a morning escape to the beach as usual, we are coming home to help my grandfather manage everyday tasks, talking to my grandmother about help & options, and trying to stay on top of all that needs to be accomplished.

It's been good to be here, but it's been a difficult trip, and not at all like the past. Though, just when it seems the joy is gone from this house, and I feel as though things are changed forever, I can hear from the other room "Harriet, will you get me some ice cream? 3 BIG scoops!", or perhaps "Geraldine, where is she hiding all the chocolate in this place?!". As long as I can remember my Pappy, I can remember not understanding his nicknames for me. And I love them. Geraldine & Harriet, used interchangeably, and while cousins were about, Jade & I made the pair Tuesday & Wednesday.

Leaving makes me sad, but Adam and I have plans for Christmas, and hopefully without a car to buy, or a move to make, we'll be able to do it this year!! The plan is to buy our tickets August 1st, so hold me to that! Until then, I leave my Mom here to help continue the work we all started and know that at least they have the CNA at the house 4hrs a day now, which is a start. Hopefully with the time and attention, he will be able to focus more on his physical therapy and regain some of his finer motor skills and strength. While my mind has been here these last two weeks, my heart has been racing back across the ocean daily with Adam in Amarillo, and I am really looking forward to seeing him again.

Fathers Day

Fathers Day weekend this year is a little different then those of the past. While I'm celebrating with my Dad, who is off in New England with my younger brother, I am lucky to have almost all my family here in Hawaii to celebrate with our patriarch, my Pappy. A weekend of cousins giggling in the distant bedroom, uncles cooking in the kitchen and grandparents beaming with the luck of having almost all of us here at once for the first time in years.

Jade & I were together often when we were younger, trips to my great-grandmother's in Pennsylvania, the first trip to Disneyland when we were toddlers, and many summers at my grandparent's on Oahu. The older we've gotten, the less we've seen each other, and it had been 5 years since we'd last gotten together. It didn't take long to start laughing and joking again, and was fun to include "baby" Sarah this time. Weekends like this make me incredibly grateful to have such a wonderful family, and strengthen my desire to have children, because I know how lucky our kids will be to come into a family like this.

A Good Kind of Morning

So, it's 9:43am here...if you're curious, though I did not go to bed until 12:00am (or 5am...) last night, I popped out of bed free of alarms at 7:45am. *sigh* My internal clock, it would appear, is set. I even tried to go back to sleep and had no luck. The only person up earlier then me was Uncle Craig, which is not much of a surprise. Was able to pass the usual granola and yogurt to have fresh pineapple and papaya for breakfast with the biggest cup of Kona coffee. Heaven in my mouth! I forget what fruit should really taste like until I'm here again. Had breakfast with Pappy, Nana and Craig. Was nice, especially because between Craig and me they were able to have a good breakfast while we filled bowls with fruit and cereal, found coffee, poured water and searched out straws. Pappy was totally different this morning, and after our conversation I remembered Mom mentioning that he was usually confused when sleepy. This morning he was completely alert and talking to me about our trip to the beach in the Carolinas, all our cross-country trips and everything. It was just a normal breakfast with Pappy, which made me feel so much better. Last night I was feeling pretty confused, and cried at dinner....A few silent tears, but they were still there. It was just hard to sit through dinner and hear the repeated confused statements that were connected to our conversation by the tiniest thread of sense. It's hard too to see how Nana tries to cope with all the struggles and hardship Parkinsons brings without being frustrated with Pappy. He did make me smile last night when we were talking about school, Pappy: "I wish I had paid more attention in school, I really should have." Sarah: "What do you mean?" Pappy: "Well for one thing, not being so girl crazy!" (Laughter) "No, really, you know your Nana and I started going together when we were 16!" Then, of course, Nana tells the famous story of Pappy faking sick and then stealing (or 'borrowing' as he insisted) his Dad's car to go visit Nana when he had no license.

Watching them you know that's how they're getting through this, they've been in love for more then 60 years, so this is just another challenge to walk together. I hope Adam and I will be lucky enough to count pills for each other and argue about how much raisin bran the other needs when we're almost 80. Seemingly annoyed but peppering conversation with nicknames and winks to let us know "I love you, you know".

Arrived

After the longest possible weekend of the summer so far, I'm finally here in Hawaii. Our good friend Cassandra and her son Gabe were visiting us Thursday and Friday, which was such a special treat! Then Saturday we got up early, early (5am to be exact) to drive to DFW. We wanted to make the rounds, and ended up fitting in Cynthia & Mark, Jen & Pat and a wonderful visit to Piccolo! Exhausted as we were, we then had to get up at 6am to get me to the airport on time to start my travels to Hawaii. All my flights when perfect, with very short layovers. It was funny, as much as I identify Hawaii as my second home, I never seem to remember quite how much myself I am here until I'm back to the place of my childhood summers and sunny Christmases. As we began to descend over the island the feeling that came over me was that of an invisible weight being lifted off of my shoulders and thinking in a small voice of relief, "home..." The only other time I experience this feeling is when I'm in a ballet class and take that first plié, and it's as if my body finally falls into itself. Like I've been hovering just beyond myself up until that point. I've missed it here. The smells, the colors, and the familiar roads. I was lucky enough to get to surprise my grandparents with my visit thanks to my wonderful Aunt & Uncle who picked me up, and kept my arrival a secret for a week! I snuck into the office where my Nana was working and said "Surprise!", waiting for her to whirl around, but instead she kept working. I tried again, a little louder, and got the same response. Finally, I walked right up to her, leaned down and said to her back, "Are you to busy for a surprise?" She immediately jumped and said "What are you doing here!?", hugged me, and then told me I should be glad she didn't have a heart attack. Pappy, in turn said "You're not real, you're a ghost!!" It feels good to be with my Ohana.

Hawaii

Most people that know me, know that I spent my childhood summers (and many other holidays) in Hawaii at my grandparents. As Ryan will tell you, I even 'stole' his idea and went to UH, although I ended up transferring to Dallas for a certain someone... ;) Hawaii has always been a special place for me and my family, and after my 24 summers there, it's no surprise. It's where I was baptized, where I learned to swim, summers of VBS and camping at the beach. The most recent trip to Hawaii was when Adam proposed to me. We had gone for two weeks, and spent our day doing my family's Friday traditions; we spent the day at Waimea, and saw the hula show downtown before dinner at my parent's favorite restaurant on the beach. After dinner we took a walk on the beach and Adam proposed in the moonlight in front of the Royal Hawaiian Hotel. (where as a child we went to brunches). This place is my second home, and my grandparents mean a great deal to me after so much time together. This Sunday, I am heading up to visit them for the first time in 2 years, the longest time I've ever been away. Adam will stay behind this time, though we're both going in December. Mom & I will be going on our own, which is also a first since I was about 14.

My grandparents are getting older, and things are getting harder for them to do. Gone are the days of Pappy throwing us back over front in the Ocean, or Nana making doll cakes and asking us about our day. Days are more relaxed now, and slower paced. I seem to forget how much time has gone by until I'm back. Although now I opt for the lounge chair instead of the fun noodle, and Ryan is laying out on the mat instead of skimming the waves for hours on end. It's strange to be there year after year, with so much the same and everything different.

Amarillo By Morning

Amarillo is the place we're calling home for the next 6 months. Our new home is part of fourplex in an older neighborhood that's home to many of our Amarillo friends. It's a small, cute place--about 700sqft, and has a bit of character since it was built in the 20s. The one thing we overlooked when signing the lease? There is no AC. Yes, that's right, we'll be getting through a Texas summer and relying on the strength and power of our overhead fans. We've already had to go out and get a standing fan for our bedroom so that it's more comfortable to sleep. I can hear my mother now when I tell her "Ohhh Kaitlin!". Yes, next time we sign a lease it's something I'll think to ask about.