Baby O'Connell-Owens

As you've probably guessed by our borrowed poem, we found out this last Tuesday that we are expecting! It seems come October 4th, our family will be expanding to fit one more! Our first baby, Adam and I are both overjoyed and shocked. I feel as though I need to do all the million preparations right this very minute, and yet I know I have plenty of time. Not only plenty of time, but right now I'm just plain exhausted! So far, no true morning sickness, though I have discovered if I don't eat about every hour, at least a cracker or some applesauce, I become very sick and shaky. Oh, if this is as bad as it gets I'll take it!

SURPRISE

I do not have a face to see,
or put inside a frame.

I do not have soft cheeks to kiss;
I don't yet have a name.

You can't hold my tiny hands,
nor whisper in my ear.
It's still too soon to sing a song,
or cuddle me so near.

But all will change come October 4th,
when they say I'm due.
I'm the newest "O";
I can't wait till I meet you.

All I ask between now and then
is your patience while I grow.
I promise I'll be worth the wait,
because of all the love we'll know.

So as you're waiting patiently,
please pray lots of prayers for me.
I cannot wait to be a part
of this wonderful family!

New Haircut

In more interesting news,

I've changed the hair up a bit and gone back to bangs!

The first time since I was about nine!!

What do you think?

The Results Are In....

Well, the results are back from my cat scan and appointment with the general surgeon. So, there is no hernia which is kind of too bad because it meant an easy fix, instead my doctor diagnosed me with diverticulosis. (if you want details, google, it's too awkward to explain in a post) So, next step is I have an appointment with a GI for a colonoscopy, yes, at 24, and am back to see the Orthopedic surgeon on Monday to discuss further options in diagnosis. It seems when all is said and done, I'm lucky to learn about a disorder that, untreated, could lead to cancer (and colon cancer runs in my family), and that we're back to the beginning otherwise. We know about the hip impingement....what's this secret second problem and why oh why is it so difficult to diagnose?!

*sigh*

And I'll Have One Hernia Please

Alright, so as many of you know (or maybe not) I have had pain and troubles with my right hip since I was 14, so a little over 10yrs. After much time with my Orthopedic, we know it's actually 2 things going on, and the actual hip joint is impinged severely. So severely that I have lesions on my femur. (apparently the worse thing someone with my hips could do is dance, HA!) This is what they want me to go to Dallas for major surgery for, or face hip replacement at 40-50. They've guaranteed arthritis will be coming soon, which is honestly no surprise to me. The second part, is still a mystery but there is a slim chance it could be a hernia (ick), so I have a cat scan tomorrow for that. Please say a prayer that it's actually a hernia (I know, I'll never say that again) because it's such an easy fix, and the nerve damage I have may just be temporary from the pressure, so that could be relieved. If it's not a hernia, they believe it's related to my lower back, which is a lot scarier, and trickier.

Restless

These last few days have found me flip-flopping between complete exhaustion and the complete inability to shut my brain off and just sleep. I am also having wild dreams, and craving as much change as possible.

*Sigh* I feel bad for Adam, who looked confused, but put on a smile when I asked for his help re-arranging the living room the day we got back from Hawaii on a red-eye flight. Then I came home with shorter, straighter hair, complete with bangs on Monday. Wednesday was when I decided it was high time to re-organize every closet or drawer in our house, followed by my intense search for all the things we should get rid of, and either donating them or posting them to Craigslist. I do this. I go through this extreme needs for change, so I make the little changes I can. My dreams have been vivid and bizarre, though thankfully not nightmarish. Still, they're waking me up in a confusion, the kind where you have to walk back through your dream to realize it was in fact a dream, not a memory.

I've been wanting to find ourselves a church we can love, and become a part of for some time now. Adam doesn't share my pressing need for this, which is unusual, it's generally the other way around. I will confess I have never felt a constant, or deep connection to God. Maybe it feels like there's too much pressure, so I can't perform, can't make it happen. Or maybe it's because I've never had the right avenues to connect to Him/Her. I've had moments, like everyone has moments. Dance is generally the way I connect, or being in some amazingly beautiful place; like Rome, or Hawaii, or even watching a Panhandle sunset.

My recent inspiration for hope has been, oddly enough, a memoir recently made into a movie-starring Julia Roberts like all the good ones do. "Eat Pray Love" has me thinking, digging, writing, exploring. I'm reading it for the 3rd time right now. There's something about it that I know I'm supposed to be gleaning, so I plan to keep going back for more until I've taken all I can from the experiences & lessons "Lizz" has to share with me. Some might find it ridiculous that I've turned to a best seller memoir for spiritual guidance, and maybe they're right. Maybe I'm grasping at straws here, but to speak honestly I have to say, "No, I'm not." I need something else, something/someone outside of Adam, friends, family, therapists...I crave the connection I can easily find with these people, but I need it with God. I want it so badly, and have always felt as though I was chasing after a ghost-until now.

If you're one who prays, would you mind slipping one for me in there? That I will find peace, a familiar place with God, and the ability to just sit still and feel, not rush to change.

Christmas & New Years & Travels, Oh My!

Please excuse my absence for the last several weeks, life has been a crazy whirlwind of activity, having Adam & I bouncing across the country and slowly re-settling into our life here in West Texas. We were lucky this year to spend Christmas with my family (sadly, with the exception of my Dad) in Hawaii.

This was our first trip back together since our engagement in August of 2007, and Adam's second

trip to the paradise I spent my childhood exploring.

It felt like an incredible gift to get to spend time with everyone, now that we are all grown and living so spread out. Ryan had just gotten back from a 3 month internship in Afghanistan working a land mind retrieval project, and will be finishing school in Hawaii, just as he said he would when he was in elementary school.

Mom & Dad are halfway through their second year in DC, and as you know Adam and I are still in Texas.

Time with my grandparents has always been important, with the amount of time we spent with them growing up they've always been more like a second set of parents, closer then most can imagine.

My grandfather is struggling with Parkinson's Disease and they now have 24hr CNA care at the house. It's difficult to see their world changing, but I'm glad they have the support and help they need, and that they're otherwise healthy. Pappy's CNA, Meila, is the perfect person for the job. A small Filipino woman in her late 50s, she fills the house with light laughter and soprano notes, bringing joy where there is often frustration.

For Christmas Day, we delayed opening packages until later in the morning, and were able to skype with Dad in DC on the television, it really felt as if we were all together. Adam shocked me with tickets to see Lady Gaga's Monster Ball concert this spring. I was so confused initially when I opened a mask covered in mirrors...I turned it over and there was our ticket information for the concert, and the realization that Adam had re-created the mask from "Poker Face".

For his present, Ryan and I took Pappy out for a burger and drinks at his favorite restaurant, Jameson's By the Sea, and had the chance to spend some alone time together. It was fun being able to have a "Pappy Day" like we did as kids, when he would take us to McDonalds and the movies.

Many days were spent lazing in the sun, and chatting in the house. Adam and I were lucky to spend a night downtown at a hotel just down from where we got engaged. We spent the day walking around downtown and bought him a new wedding ring (he's lost the last two) made of Koa wood and titanium, to always remind us of where we started to become a family. We were able to capture a picture of us in the exact spot he proposed years ago, compared to the original, not much has changed.

Standing there caused me to be reminded that I am so lucky to be so intensely loved by such a beautiful and strong person. Sometimes, I seem to forget he, and his love, are a gift to be thankful for each day.

New Years Eve came, and so did the fireworks! Ryan had bought two crates of fireworks, and Adam bought some as well. We were up until 2am lighting off different sparkling, crackling, explosive treats, along with the rest of Hawaii. The sky was a hazy grey, lighting up in patterns across the sky for hours. As fun as it was, I certainly felt it the next morning when I competed in my very first, and very hilly 10k, the Bosetti. Up at 5am, Mom, Adam and I traveled down to Sandy Beach where I started my race, and was pretty sure I was going to die. But I didn't! I didn't quit, though my hip did twice, and though I didn't improve upon my time, I wasn't any worse either. I'll take it. It felt incredible to cross the finish line and know that I had just raced.

That I had competed in a run for miles and miles in this beautiful place as the sun rose, and I felt so alive! Of course, the three days following I swore I'd never run again! ;)

As sad as it was to leave, after two weeks away from home our bed was practically calling our name, and we were ready to see our "babies". With kisses, sadness and love, we said goodbye to my family and took the red-eye home to Texas; full of icy air, yellowed grass and roaming horses.