Lots of 3AM

If Maeve isn't teething or going through one long growth spurt, than it's obvious she's trying to kill me.

We have seen an awful lot of 3am these days, and that's not usual for our family. We were incredibly lucky that Maeve came home wanting to sleep long stretches. At night those first six weeks we set alarms and had to wake her up to get in most of her late night, every two hour feedings. Normally her schedule is bedtime at 7pm, midnight feeding and 6:30am breakfast. Like clockwork! Most of the time she starts to wake up before we've gotten to her for that late feeding. Naps have become the similar clockwork predictability, back down in the morning until 10am, back down from 12:30pm to 3pm and then perhaps a catnap in the late afternoon while we wait for Daddy.

Not this week my friends. This week has been exhausting. Starting Monday night we've been waking up just about every other hour. Down at 7pm, up at 10pm, up at 12am, up at 1:15am, up at 3am, up at 5am, up at 6:30am, up at 8:45am....then down at 11am, but a short short nap. Essentially cutting out her first morning nap, shortening her other and being a bit of a pill in between. Let me tell you, it's been quite frustrating. I know there are others out there who have it worse, who hardly ever get sleep, but this has been a rough week. I knew I was exhausted when sometime between bedtime and "DOES SHE KNOW IT IS 4AM?!?! I WAS JUST IN THERE!!!" I went to go to the bathroom and ran into the door. Because it was still closed.

Oye.

We have several theories. One is teething; she can't get enough things in her mouth, and if you get close enough she'll pull your hand or finger in her mouth to gnaw down. I haven't taken a good look in her mouth, but last weekend my sister-in-law thought she could see something lurking down in those gums. Our second theory is the obvious, especially the more I read. In ten days our little munchkin will be four months old!!!! While there's no noted 4mo growth spurt, it's not impossible that she's having one anyhow. All the signs are there; constant demand for food, messy schedule, crankiness, latching on and off in frustration. Yep, she's a regular peach right now. My only hesitation, outside of her timing, is that her last growth spurts have only lasted about 24-48hrs, and last night was our fourth night of crazy. Finally, our last theory. She's trying to kill me. Or at least drive me into madness. Maybe she's bored, and hearing me mutter to myself at 4am and walk face first into walls is very entertaining.

God's Presence

At church we've just begun a series about our relationship with God. Alongside services we're doing small groups and reading "Can You Hear Me". This first week began with a meditation on Psalm 139 and Jeremiah 23:23-24. We were to contemplate what it meant to experience the presence of God, to be aware of God's presence and how you know.

1-6 God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.

I'm an open book to you;

even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.

You know when I leave and when I get back;

I'm never out of your sight.

You know everything I'm going to say

before I start the first sentence.

I look behind me and you're there,

then up ahead and you're there, too—

your reassuring presence, coming and going.

This is too much, too wonderful—

I can't take it all in!

7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?

to be out of your sight?

If I climb to the sky, you're there!

If I go underground, you're there!

If I flew on morning's wings

to the far western horizon,

You'd find me in a minute—

you're already there waiting!

Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!

At night I'm immersed in the light!"

It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;

night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.

I've shared my feelings with some close friends in the past about how I experience God, but it's something I keep private for the most part for fear some won't understand. Our church is unique in the fact that it provides "open mic" a chance to be a part of service and share "your piece of the mosaic" and that was something I felt I should do because I KNOW how I feel about this. So, while I mull over things here on my side of the woods, I thought I would share with you what I shared with my church family last weekend.

When I’m listening to certain music, epic & pressing in some way, after a few moments a feeling creeps into me that I can’t quite name. My chest tightens, I feel the urge to close my eyes, and I need to move. I can picture the movements, the perfect movements for that piece of music.

Sometimes it’s just the urge to dance that comes over me, without any music at all, a particular move my body wants to make, always accompanied with the tightness in my chest & the urge to close my eyes. Watching performances with the specific type of music or dance has the same affect for me, often with tears.

For me, dancing has always been a very private and guarded thing. I either want to be alone, or somewhere safe, removed and expected, like rehearsal or a performance. Dancing I’m no longer myself, but this puppeted creature, moved about by the music and something that isn’t of this world. It’s how I was created to feel and express, to worship and be. Dance, ballet, is where I meet God, where I see Creation and the only place I can express myself to God and feel like I’m heard. It’s my prayer.

When I see a beautiful movement, feel my limbs stir or see a graceful dancer, to me that’s proof of God’s existence, these ethereal movements orchestrated by a higher power.

I thought about sharing a piece with you all tonight, but I don’t think I’m quite ready. So instead I’d like to share this short clip of Polina Seminova. It may not strike you as particularly epic or intense but I love it because she possesses amazing grace and skill. She moves with the music in her rehearsal clothes in an empty auditorium, feeling everything. I think she feels God here too.

Polina Semionova from Sebastián Acevedo on Vimeo.

Grandparent Visit

The "O"s at the Dallas Zoo

This weekend Adam's parents were in town, which means several things. Our whole family got together, Maeve had plenty of extra snuggles, and there was a second Christmas celebration!

Saturday we, along with Adam's sister's & brother's families went to the Dallas Zoo together with Grandma and Grandpa. All in all, that was fifteen people. :) Yes, we're quite the crowd. (and we were missing two folks!) We have yet to take Maeve to the zoo post-utero, though she made it to the Oklahoma City Zoo a few times while I was pregnant. She's in a new stage of awareness that really made the zoo fun. When her grandfather held her up to the monkeys her head moved side to side and up and down following a particularly frisky monkey across his enclosure. It was incredible to see, especially since it was just a week or two ago she seemed to REALLY see the dogs for the first time.

We loved seeing you all, and so did Maeve! We can't wait for the next visit!!!

Grandma and Maeve.

Grandpa and Maeve.

Very happily opening prsents from her sweet grandparents.

While in DC my Mom and I dug this photo up. I'm a few months older than Maeve is now. We girls love pink dresses and white bonnets!

PS: I have no idea how I turned my post into a hyper-link and thus cannot undo it. ;)

Botanical Gardens

The Friday before New Years found Maeve and me in the Ft Worth Botanical Gardens with Adam's sister and her two children. It was only 70* out, and most of the garden was in winter hybernation, though the roses were in bloom. A whole section if the grassey hills was covered in orange and red fallen leaves. Elizabeth ran around making "leaf angels" and Ethan was rolling cartwheels through the crunchy carpeting.

Maevey girl, the weekend of her 3mo birthday...

Aside from a few steps, and hills too good not to run down, my neice's request was to guide the stroller throught the park, and I was happy for the break. It seems impossible to me that the girl who was just three when Adam and I began dating will be in college before our oldest is even in the third grade. For now, she adores her baby cousin, asking to hold her, begging her to smile. I'm sure in the coming years Maeve will hold her up with admiration while Elizabeth tries to sweetly shake free of her, and we'll smile and remind her of these days.

The afternoon sunlight through the trees by the pond. Sometimes I forget how good it feels to just be outside.

Gabby Girl

If Maeve is anything like the rest of her O'Connell and Fisher kin, she'll be a talker. A three hours at a time, I'm so excited I might be getting louder, ohmygoodnessdidyouknow kind of talker. My Nana and my mother both are queens of conversation and growing up, my mother had to finally call it a night after hours spent chatting together in my parents bathroom with me. When we get together our conversations are still a main event. My brother Ryan is one of the few guys I know who likes to call just to chat, my dad enjoys telling stories and even my cousin Shannon can rival me in the gab department. (And you know I mean that in a good way.)

It seems Maeve is determined to fit in with my side of the family and has started her squaky-talky phase as of a couple weeks ago. Usually in the mid-morning and right before bedtime, her sweet sounds make me smile every time. By the time I picked up the camera her chitter was dying down and she was gearing up for nap time, but you can still hear her a little. :) Again, this video is pretty dark and from about two weeks ago, but it's short and it's sweet.

Dancin' and Singin'

While I made breakfast and much needed coffee yesterday morning (Hello late night at the Varnells! The party was fun, but BOY am I exhausted!) Adam and Maevey played on the couch, singing along to the radio and dancing. I had to run over and take a video before Maeve decided it was nap time, it was so cute to see her smile at her Daddy.

Silly Daddy Smiley Baby

This video was from New Years weekend, but I never got around to uploading it until now.

It was a moody day for Miss Maeve.

M-O-O-D-Y

In an attempt to get her to calm down and maybe give us a glimpse of our normally cheery girl, Adam started making bizarre noises and faces.

Maeve was thoroughly impressed.

PS: The video is a little dark, especially at first so if the room you're watching in is too bright it's almost impossible to see. Sorry! I will remember to turn on more lights next time.

The Cliche New Years Resolution Post

I know it's cliche to do a post on New Year's resolutions, and worse to post about it a week after the New Year BUT I have a three month old. So sue me. ;)

In thinking about what I want to commit to for 2012 I've considered; what I regret about 2011, what I appreciated and am proud of from 2011, what I want for my family and my daughter, who I aspire to become and what it will take to become that woman.

So, my New Years Resolutions are as follows:

1. Live everyday consciously, choosing to be the heroine of my own story and living to be an example for my daughter. As Adam says, "if you're not living, you're dying."

2. Become connected with a volunteer organization such as Junior Women's Club, Volunteer America, etc. I'm not setting any amount of goal hours just yet because Maeve is still small and our schedule can be pretty unpredictable. I feel like it's important for me to infuse myself in our community and find a way to give back. Loving the world is being a part of the kingdom, and I don't feel like I'm very good at this. The last time I was really involved with volunteerism was high school through the symphony, ballet and nursing homes. I grew up watching my mother and her friends give back to our community through Junior League on a weekly basis and I aspire to follow her example.

3. Run a Half-Marathon! This was a goal of mine last year that was pushed aside due to doctor's orders with my pregnancy. I'm giving myself all the way until next December to meet this goal, and until the end of May to pick my half-marathon. Running for me has been a new and fun outlet over the last year, as well as great exercise. Considering I still have a third of my baby weight to lose, I feel like I have even greater motivation to meet this goal. So far I've done several 5ks and two 10ks, and I'm due to run my first race (a 5k) in a year next month.

There.

There are other goals I have lingering in the back of my mind, other things I feel half-committed to, but for now I think this is a good stopping point. An achievable, do-able list of goals for this year.

2012

Can you believe it?

Growing Like an Adam

Maevey Bean had her three month appointment today, and she's continuing the trend she started September 30th. Skinnier and skinnier, taller and taller.

At 11lbs 13oz and 24.5in, she is only 33% for weight and 77% for height.

Her daddy, if you don't know him, is 6'1'' and in the 91% and weighs in at....150lbs, putting him at 30% for weight. (And only 5lbs heavier than when we graduated from high school 7yrs ago) Yeah...he's a long, skinny fella and it seems she's going to be a long, skinny lass.

It's almost impossible to catch her little smiles on film, but here you can see her sweet little happy face. I could kiss, cuddle and look at this girl all day!

The Original "O"s

Our time in DC was talking and laughing punctuated with eating and a little adventure. Maeve was going through a fussy phase at this point and didn't seem to want to be held for long by anyone but mama.

My poor Mom trying to love Maeve through a "but it's naptime" moment.

During a day on the town we got stuck in quite a downpour and stuck it out in the car for awhile before venturing out to shop more.

Looking at this pictures as I post makes me realize just how much Maeve has grown in the last month! My goodness how a few weeks can mature such a sweet little face! It is also becoming painfully aware just how much of her hair has fallen out! The poor kiddo has some seriously dry scalp, and it seems where the dry scalp is, the hair is not.

Our adventures took us shopping, out to the National Harbor, and downtown to the Elipse to the National Christmas Tree. Our plans were to see Santa, but Obama's motorcade came through, and they evacuated the park. Boo.

The O'Connell Clan at the National Christmas Tree

The Ladies in Front of the White House

The "O" Girls

Maevey Bean and her Grandparents

Mom & Dad, we loved visiting you all, even if the reason for our visit wasn't the happiest. We're looking forward to seeing you at the end of January! It's rumored Maeve may even have a laugh or two for you when you come! ;)

Dinner Visits

Sheila Johnson has been my father's second mother since he was fourteen years old. I have memories of her, and her late husband Ross, spanning the last twenty-something years of my life. Ross helping me make everyone cards on their home pc when I was five or six, Sheila gentley reminding me to say "excuse me" when wanting to speak with my mom and dad during adult dinners, visits to their island in the Adirondacks while at our lake house. I've always enjoyed warm hugs and funny stories, especially of my dad's youth.

The first Friday of our visit there we all tromped over to Falls Church and were able to enjoy sweet company and introduce Miss Maeve and Sheila. Dinner was wonderful, and the company was even better. Sheila pulled out pictures and stories of the Johnson family and dad of the past. With so much sadness having woven its way through our family in the previous weeks it was good to laugh.

Sheila and Miss Maeve

Dad, Sheila, Maeve and Mama

Maeve and Mama

Grandad showcasing his baby sleeper skills.

Originally, with this post, I had hoped to share a picture of Sheila and myself when I was about six months old. BUT, I left my memory books (books Granio compiled for us kids with pictures, mementos, etc) at my parents for them to ship home. So, next time then.

Let's Try This Again

Our second shot at flying to DC was a success. I was up on time, we arrived on time, and for the most part it went smoothly.

Oh, except for security. I am convinced hell is going through security alone with an 8wk old baby. Thankfully a dad behind me stepped in to help as I tried to collapse strollers, take off shoes, pull out liquids and laptop all while juggling Maeve. Yuck. I was so worried about inconveniencing those behind me I began to sweat and get the shakes again. I'm sure it was a lovely sight. :)

Maeve did great on the flights. Our first, OKC to Newark she slept from the get-go. When we landed, we hit the bathroom and while I washed my hands my sweet girl was full of coos and smiles. A fellow hand washer leaned over and exclaimed "Oh she loves you! Just look at how she smiles at you!!!"

Melt my heart! It's one thing to look at your babe and know she loves you, it's quite another to have a complete stranger see the love bubbling over from her to you and point it out. It was a first. :) Unfortunately, that's where the happy love ended and Maeve demanded to be held while I pushed the stroller one handed from one end of Newark to another. Three kind gentleman pointed out that it would be so much easier for me to navigate if I could bring myself to put down my sweet baby. Really? My, where would this silly little mother be without the guidance of wise, older men!? I had never putting her in her car seat except...oh yes, we quit that because she was turning purple and screaming. But thank you for the help anyhow kind sirs.

And while nursing in the airport did not go well (read: we flashed a guy my brother's age and cried because we were too distracted), the little old ladies in the gift shop who told me I looked amazing for having an 8wk old baby and fawned over Maeve, holding her while I paid for my bottles of water made me feel quite wonderful. God was dropping little golden moments of happiness to get me through our travels.

Again, once aboard our last leg, we had a little whine and then poof: this is how we landed in Baltimore.

Fly Away With Us

Shortly after Thanksgiving the bean and I made the trek from Oklahoma to DC. Visiting family and friends, mourning the passing of my Granio, and spending some time being pampered by my Mom and Dad.

But, before we can talk about our trip we have to talk about our test run. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, there are certain truths in life that are better left un-tested. Lessons like, "Everything takes at least twice as long with a baby." and "Always arrive an hour and a half before your flight's departure." Neither of these lessons seemed to find their way into my thought before Tuesday, the day of our departure to DC. The morning was supposed to look like this: get up at 4am and ready, feed and change Maeve, put Maeve in car, put bags in car, leave for airport. I had laid things out with order, had planned everything out in my head and thought I was pretty prepared. But, the anxiety of travelling alone with my then 8wk old baby kept me up most of the night and instead the morning looked something like this: cousin waking me up at 5:15, we're supposed to leave, get dressed, now I'm sweating, feed Maeve, Maeve spits up, Maeve has a blowout, Maeve's crying, change Maeve, hand Maeve off to go into her carseat, get bags, my bags won't close! how can they not close?, get in car, get to airport.

Once at aiport, a flight pro I had imagined, walk in, check in. Instead it was drag things in, shake the whole time, have too many things...boppy, coat that no longer fits, pump bag, diaper bag, stroller, carseat, suitcase, snuggly....pray you're never left to fly alone again, pray the baby keeps sleeping, run to the ticket counter, swear you'll never fly alone again, arrive to two irked looking ticket agents. They are supposed to take your id, take your bags and wish you merry travels. But no, today you are greeted with, "your flight leaves in twenty minutes, I can't check you in, you're not going to make it."

GULP

Keep shaking, try not to cry, think of the baby, think of your parents, wish Adam was here. Look at Shannon, be thankful someone kind IS here, and ask what they can do. So we were given choices by a gruff and tired looking airline attendant.

Our conversation went something like this....

"Well, that was our only flight to Baltimore today."

"Oh..."

"But, you can get from here to Houston and Houston to Baltimore."

"Great!"

"But Houston is over-sold so you'll probably get stuck, at least until 7 tonite."

"Oh..."

"Or we could put you on a flight to Chicago."

"Great!"

"But because of that snow storm, you won't get out tonight."

"Oh...ok...well.."

Thank goodness Shannon was there to lean in and remind me I didn't know anyone either place, and kindly tell me I could stay in Edmond with them another night.

So, for $75 I bought a ticket change for the same flight the next morning and an extra day of fun with the VanHeests.

Pictures and tales of DC to follow, but let me assure you that the next day Mama was up on time.

Ok, ok, and because I can't help but moon over our gal. Maevey turned 3mo old this Friday. Here she is modeling at the botanical gardens this week.