Because I Just Love How Sweet Pink Is....

Thank you to my Aunt Becky & Uncle Kevin for the gifts for OO1 this past week. I can't wait to dress her in the sweet little outfits and I've never seen such a cute burp rag. It almost seems a shame to use it for spit up!

Denial, It Ain't Just A River

One of my great pre-mommy fears with pregnancy is stretch marks. I have been dousing myself in vitamin E lotion and collagen rich (supposedly) cocoa butter lotion since just about day one. My doctor even mentioned to me that it was mostly genetic, and since my mom had practically no stretch marks, I would probably be in the clear. He lied.

Last night, while rubbing lotion on my expanding tummy I remarked to Adam how funny it was that I "only have this one mark, right here---how odd!" The mark I was referring to is a deep, half-moon shape just to the left of my belly button. One noticeable mark? I'll take it. And then I noticed Adam...nodding. It was that "ummmm, yes...." face. "Do I have more?" I asked, and all he would say is "You look great! Stop worrying!" Momentarily appeased I resumed my night time routine. but as I exited the bathroom I caught a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror on the door. A mirror I've been avoiding because I know how big I am thank-you-very-much! The lower part of my stomach, the part I can't see at all without the aid of a mirror is stretch mark city. *Sigh* I know it was probably hopeless to begin with, but I couldn't help feeling sad and kind of unattractive, especially with three months to go! I think the saddest part though is that it hadn't occurred to me that I literally can't see half my belly.

My husband made a valiant effort though, ignoring my requests for truth these last few weeks. After my discovery last night he gave me a squeeze and a kiss for consolation and added, "It was kind of cute that you thought you only had the one spot." So, here's to Adam, who kept my denial going strong, and to my lotions whom continue to be my false security even though the proof is in the purple.

Turtle-Turtle...

*Sigh* I almost hesitate to write this next post for fear you'll misunderstand and think I view my animals as disposable or not true family members.

I am listed on freecycle amarillo and regularly get the emails that come streaming through their message board. If you're not connected to freecycle, well first of all you should be, and secondly the idea is people list things they are giving away for free, or in search of. The idea is to create less unnecessary spending and waste. Reduce, Reuse Recycle-right? They run the gamut from "ISO: Baby Girl Clothes" to "FREE: Bird Feed."

Yesterday, one came through that caught my attention:

"Our family is looking for a sweet, grown cat. One that prefers to go between indoors and outdoors. Thanks!"

For this to mean something to you, you need to know several things.

1) We have an outdoor (previously indoor for 3yrs) cat named Turtle

2) We were planning on taking her with us should we move, and hoping she'd adjust to being outdoors in a busy city at an apartment complex.

3) NO ONE ever wants a grown cat. EVER. People always want kittens because they're cute, but this couple (upon conversation) didn't want to worry about a baby and took into account people that might have older cats they were having trouble re-homing.

So, not thinking I'd get a response I sent a picture of Turtle and told the woman, "We have a small 3yr old cat Turtle. She is spayed, has her shots and is quite sweet. She happens to be an indoor/outdoor cat. Would you be interested in meeting her?"

Today I get the following response:

"So cute! We are very interested in meeting Turtle, when would be a good time?"

WHOA. Maybe I'm over thinking all this, as I'm known to do...but for us it seems yet another sign of affirmation in our considerations and plans to move forward towards personal goals. (Yes, I'm being a little cryptic, I want to wait until I feel confident about everything before sharing with the world...) Finding a home for Widget (possibly) and Turtle within 24hrs? Car woes miraculously gone, prayers being answered/listened to, affirmation from authority, open and readiness to take the path we want, should we choose.

Why then is it so scary? Ah, because I'm a control freak and if there's one thing missing from leaps of faith, it's control. I've been praying "Give Me Peace." Liking mantras, I've begun to add the following cliche to my day: "Let Go and Let God."

If only it were that easy.

Oklahoma Family

This Saturday we made a day trip to Oklahoma to visit my cousin Shannon & her husband Kyle to meet their newest addition.

*Family*

*Frousins*

*Mama's In Love*

Goodbye Widgiedidge

Last night, as arranged, we met the family interested in Widget at the rec field by our home. We really did want everything to work out but were skeptical. Widget often barks at strangers, he tends to jump a lot, the family might not have the right intentions etc. This may sound silly, but the first thing Adam said as we watched Widget run around with the family's girls was "I'm so proud of him." There was no jumping, lots of licking, giving girls chase, sitting and waiting for commands. The Dad had been looking for a Border Collie mix for weeks at the shelter with no success and was so excited at the idea of having one again. He scratched Widget just so, and spoke to him in that silly "you're my puppy dog" voice.

We all played in the field for about 25min, telling them about Widget and asking them about their yard space, time they'll have for him, etc. Finally the couple asked if we'd be willing to let them take him, and tonight. I don't think either Adam or I had really processed how this would feel. We agreed. This family, they were so wonderful to him, and for him. Property outside town, two kids in love, a man wanting his companion and they were so excited. Widget was just, happy. We drove back to the house and gathered up his things; crate, doghouse, toys, bowl...and I lost it. I was happy we found him a great home, I knew we were doing the best thing for him, the baby and ourselves, and I was glad it was going to be a smooth and quick process but I was (and am) so sad. We gave them Widget's things, and said our goodbyes. The mother in the family began to cry too, seeing how sad we were and continued to tell us "Call us or email us anytime you want an update or anytime you want to see him!" There are some really wonderful people out there. Other people who feel like a dog is a part of the family. Adam had to help Widget into the car, he was confused because we weren't getting in and kept trying to stand by me. The moment he sat down though, the girls cuddled his neck and began to argue over who he was sleeping with that night.

As we walked back to the house, I couldn't stop crying, and when I looked to Adam for a "calm down" he was crying too. We really love that dog, and sometimes doing the best thing for everyone, hurts. A lot. He has left a pretty big hole for now. There's no one bounding through the house, giving Kitri a chase, barking at "intruders" and taking up all the space in our bed. When we pull up in the driveway his face no longer peers around the corner, tail waggling, to let us know he's happy we're home. And it makes me sad. But I know he's having fun, and he is loved, and he'll make that family so happy. Knowing that makes me feel like we did the right thing, and the best thing for him. Even if we only had him for a year, I am so glad we picked him up from the pound and brought him home with us because he's a wonderful dog. And when October comes, and I am swamped with baby and our two tiny dogs, I will be grateful that we were able to find a better home for Widgie.

*Update*
I scanned and emailed Widget's records to the family last night and received this email today.

"Thank you, we were just talking about that at lunch. He is such a good dog, the kids love that he is so playful. My man really is so happy with him, I was so against a dog but decided to change my mind and I am so glad that I did. Anytime that you want to inquire about him feel free please. Once again thank you for the addition to our family, he will so be loved and played with daily..... :)

Diana & Levi"

Another Day Another Documentary

Adam and I have been spending the evenings these last few weeks taking turns picking documentaries. My main kick, not surprisingly, has been pregnancy/birth related. Last fall on a visit to my frousin Shannon's we watched "The Business of Being Born." I think I've seen it five times since. It is aaaaamazing, and totally moving without the flood of pregnancy hormones, it really strikes me now. Last night was my turn to pick again, and after watching Adam's pick of "Bruce Lee: A Warrior's Journey" on Monday, I wanted something a little more emotional. (Because what's movie night without some tears right?) My pick, "Pregnant in America" was really good. It didn't have the same kind of production quality or heart as "The Business of Being Born", but it was really moving. Basically it's a father/film maker recording he and his wife's journey with their first born and exploring what birth in America is like versus the rest of the world. You should really give one of them a look (but if you'll only watch one, watch "The Business of Being Born".)

Others we've found pretty interesting lately:

"Maxed Out"

"The One Percent"

"Nursery University"

"No Impact Man"

What about you? Any documentary suggestions?

Widget

Monday I took to Craigslist and several pet re-homing sites and posted the following about our baby Widget...

"We are trying to find Widget a new, safe and happy home before then. He is a year old Border Collie/Lab mix, has all his shots, is neutered and crate trained. He does well in the house and gets along with both children and other animals. We've regularly taken him out to our friends barn where they have horses and cows and he has done quite well. He is very smart, and super sweet. Whoever has a place for him, we will include his bowls, crate, dog house and toys. If you think you may have room for this sweet boy, or know somehow who does, please let us know."

While it's true that we do really want to find Widget a home; we're anticipating moving pre-baby to DFW which would have us back in an apartment temporarily, he takes a LOT of energy and attention we won't have to give with a newborn, etc. I adore this pup and was not prepared when someone emailed me about him an hour after posting. The inquiring couple has two girls, and has been looking for a Border Collie mix like Widget at the shelter with no luck. This would be the girls first dog, and they are very excited. We've arranged to meet them at a closed in rec-field at the school across the street tomorrow evening, and if all goes well Widget may have a new home. I am full of emotions. Relieved that it could be so simple, skeptical that they're good enough for our boy, sad that we feel we can't handle three dogs and a baby, mean for giving him away...Hopefully it all works out. Hopefully they're a nice family who will give Widget a yard to play in, girls to chase, and plenty of belly scratches.

Widget

My husband and I are moving out of Amarillo the first week of July and will be in a small apartment instead of a home. Our new residence does not allow animals, and it would not be fair to our dog Widget to no longer have a yard to run around in. We are trying to find Widget a new, safe and happy home before then. He is a year old Border Collie/Lab mix, has all his shots, is neutered and crate trained. He does well in the house and gets along with both children and other animals. We've regularly taken him out to our friends barn where they have horses and cows and he has done quite well. He is very smart, and super sweet. Whoever has a place for him, we will include his bowls, crate, dog house and toys. If you think you may have room for this sweet boy, or know somehow who does, please let us know.

Baby Love

Today my sweet cousin, and close friend Shannon had her second daughter. At 10lbs 22in, she was not the tiny thing the midwives led on but she looks beautiful! I'm giddy with anticipation of meeting sweet little red-headed Alice Virginia VanHeest.

Feeling the Mommy Takeover

It happened. Today I broke down and bought...a nursing bra.

I hadn't ever even thought of getting to this point but my friends, when you're a busty individual like some ladies (hint, like me) and you are left at 6mo pregnant with only one bra that kind of sort of works, and by works I mean can still hold most of you in place but creates that unpleasant back-fat look and you tend to spill over top at the wrong angle....it's time to accept that you've gone from busty to outrageously chesty. There was a book my friends and I read as teens called "Angus, Thongs & Full Frontal Snogging". In the book, the lead character is a busty girl and is challenged by her friend to see if she can hold a pencil with her "nunga-nungas", only to discover she can hold an entire pencil case. I could probably safely hold my future infant underneath my enormous "nunga-nungas" these days. What scares me even more is the fact that they're not done! I've got months to go, and then they'll swell again once I begin to nurse. Sweet Mercy!

I had been told by several friends that they had been pleased with Target's nursing bra selection, so I tried several on and settled on a sports-bra looking comfy bit with thin straps so I could still where it under normal tops. Yes, I went with comfy. Who are we fooling people? I want comfy, and to be confident it will fit. Plus, I was getting frustrated trying on multiple sizes with no clear indication of which size I really needed now because I've clearly outgrown my 38DD (no, that's not a typo, that's pre-pregnancy, understand my panic now?!) At the end of the day I settled on the Basics Bravado, size XL.

*SIGH*

Six Months & A Prayer

Even though I posted a picture just two weeks ago, here is my 24wks (aka, 6mo) pregnant picture. Adam told me (and there is a good chance he was lying) that he doesn't think I look much more pregnant now then I did at 5mo. I know that my belly is changing shape though because I threw on an old XL Target t-shirt last week, which up to this point has been working as a maternity t-shirt and it came up several inches on my belly. A definite no-go as I am not keen on the white trash pregnant lady look. :) I am seeing the weight gain pretty steadily in my face now though...and was less then pleased with the dark, sickly look under my eyes but I'm pretty sure that's due to my impossible sleep situation as of late.

In other news, Adam has had several interviews in DFW lately and we are praying hard for direction and in the hopes that one of them will pan out. If you have a minute to think of us through out the week, or to keep some fingers or toes crossed, please do! This is something that's very important to us, and causing (me at least) a lot of anxiety. We're ready for a change in the positive, hopefully before little lady comes.

Hope your weekend was relaxing!

Bagel Penicillin

Today I was enjoying my super yummy 'everything' bagel. It was a little too toasted, but I made up for it by burying it in cream cheese. I noticed a funky smell, kind of sweet and sour while I was toasting my bagel, but couldn't spot it and figured the nearby trash might need to go out. Awhile later I decided to enjoy a second bagel treat (don't judge me, I'm pregnant!) and smelled the same gross smell. I happened to look at the bagel I was separating and notice a white fuzzy film around most of the bottom bagel...and all the rest of the bagels in the bag. Yes, I ate an entire moldy, fuzzy, smelly bagel and didn't even notice! *Shudder*

Needless to say I through all the bagels away, tried not to vomit, and ate two containers of yogurt. About thirty minutes later came the stomach cramps and slight nausea. I'm not sure how much of it was mental and how much was a pure physical reaction to the consumed science experiment, but either way it kind of took the sunshine out of my day.

My thoughtful husband sent me this in response to my horrified e-mail:

"The baby wanted mold for breakfast, but there was only one way to trick you into eating it..."

Whirlwind Trip

The weekend before last Adam and I made a whirlwind, last minute trip to DFW for varying reasons and were able to cram in almost all our friends. Having three different social groups there, this is no feat! The time with our friends we left behind when coming to Amarillo was a reminder of how blessed and loved we really are.

Two of our closest friends, and mentors, are moving at the end of the summer to Midland and were determining what was going, what was staying and what was selling. They thought of us as they were sorting through their baby treasures and were kind enough to gift us their "miracle swing", their SnugRider Graco stroller, an extra Graco car seat and base for Adam's car, a bumpo, tummy mat, portable bed for a wee babe, and a Leapster play-table! We were, and are, so grateful and felt so lucky to have our "luxury" items for baby complete!! By the time we left DFW the Fit was filled to every nook and cranny with baby things! Another friend of ours who is in cosmetics gave us a beautiful diaper bag from an organic baby care line filled with goodies! The bag itself is 100% organic cotton and beautiful (pictures to follow) and he really filled it with everything we could think to want, including a rose refresher spray for baby, lol!

We were able to enjoy down time with Adam's sister and her family who we always enjoy seeing and make us a laugh a lot. Sunday I had the chance to surprise friends at a baby shower for a friend from our church. It wasn't until I was hugging the millionth person that I realized just how badly I've missed them. We've been 'campaigning' for a move to somewhere (preferably DC or DFW) since early April, though we were talking about it back in January. Being there feels so right, and so comfortable it seems impossible it's not where we'll end up again. However, I hate to focus in too close and end up disappointing myself...

Our prayers have been set towards certain jobs, but also the broad statement "Save Us." I'm sure it sounds dramatic to some, but the first time we were praying about it, that's what Adam felt compelled to pray, I think it's what we need to ask for. So, if you get a moment and can sneak us in your prayers, please ask that God will take us back to the place we feel so at home and that the doors we're knocking on may open.

That List of Baby Things

Adam and I have written ourselves a list of baby "must haves", things we wanted to make sure we got ourselves during the pregnancy in anticipation of Baby 001's arrival.

The list includes, but is not limited to:

1. Crib

2. Changing Table

3. Dresser

4. Rocking Chair

5. Pack N Play

6. Diapering System (we're doing cloth)

7. Clothes for at least 0-6mo

8. Breast Pump

9. Bedding for crib, pack n play and cover for changing pad

10. Bouncer

11. Swing

12. Books

13. Bath time Necessities

14. Changing Necessities

15. Bottles (at least 3)

Obviously we could get by with less then we put on the list, and there are things we're registered for that would make life easier that we're hoping to get at one point or another. I am excited to announce that a week from six months, all we're missing from our list is our diapering system and the swing! I am a Nervous Nellie by nature, and preparing ahead of time deal by deal makes me feel so much more relaxed and ready. We found an upholstered arm chair rocker this last weekend for the nursery in a soft rose color and it is so, so comfy! The other night I folded clothes and put them in her drawers, arranged pillows and put away things like her carrier, the breast pump, and organized the changing table baskets. While I in no way want her to come too early, I can't help but wish that time would magically fly by and she would be here! Her room already feels so full of life, everything posed waiting for her to be there...what a feeling it will be when she's truly with us!